This will be one of the most selfish things I have said in my life.
My life would be perfect if the boy I was in love with was by my side right now.
Of course that is not true.
Of course I am being a tad bit dramatic.
Of course nobody has a perfect life.
Of course there are a million other things that I would need in order to have a perfect life.
Of course I don’t want a perfect life.
But I do wish more than I can explain with words how badly I wish the boy I loved was by my side.
I never planned on falling in love.
I never planned on leaving half of my heart across the world.
I guess that is how life happens though.
The greatest things are unexpected.
It kind of sucks.
A freaking lot.
I planned on traveling the world.
Yes, I have been planning on that for as long as I can remember.
And by planning, I mean not planning at all, but knowing deep inside of me that traveling the world was what I needed to do.
And here I am. I am finally doing it.
I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to throw up (in a good way) when I think about traveling the world.
I get that same feeling when I think about spending my life with this person.
That was a shock to my system.
I was highly convinced nothing else in this universe would give me that feeling.
I was wrong.
So here I am, alone in an unknown place, split between two worlds, trying to figure out how to hold them both together.
I bought a tiger’s eye stone today.
Tiger’s eye has many purposes, one being “to send wealth to your home”.
I stumbled across a crystal shop today and pondered around for an hour.
Before I left for this trip I decided not to bring any of my beloved crystals, stones and gems with me.
I would start fresh on this journey. All new and fresh energy.
So today was the first day I decided to indulge in some new energies.
There were three stones in this shop that spoke to me.
I do this weird thing where I walk around, picking up stones, feeling their energy. I put back the ones that make me feel nothing. I hold onto the ones that make me feel something. And then I narrow it down.
There were three left.
I almost got all three of them.
And then I got none of them and I started to walk out of the shop.
A black and brown tigers eye pendent caught my eye.
I picked it up.
I felt something.
I put it back.
And I needed it.
“To send wealth back to your home”.
That is a purpose of tigers eye.
I bought it.
“Is this for you or a gift?” asked the friendly Balinese woman as I paid her.
“Both, I hope” I said, “I have a boy I love back home and he needs to save some money. Tiger’s eye is said to bring wealth and prosperity to your home. I hope that it works so he can come and visit me”.
She laughed and I smiled so big as I walked out the door and clung onto my newest form of hope, my newest piece of anticipation for a future filled with love.