when two loves come at once

This will be one of the most selfish things I have said in my life.

My life would be perfect if the boy I was in love with was by my side right now.

Of course that is not true.

Of course I am being a tad bit dramatic.

Of course nobody has a perfect life.

Of course there are a million other things that I would need in order to have a perfect life.

Of course I don’t want a perfect life.

But I do wish more than I can explain with words how badly I wish the boy I loved was by my side.

I never planned on falling in love.

I never planned on leaving half of my heart across the world.

I guess that is how life happens though.

The greatest things are unexpected.

It kind of sucks.

A freaking lot.

I planned on traveling the world.

Yes, I have been planning on that for as long as I can remember.

And by planning, I mean not planning at all, but knowing deep inside of me that traveling the world was what I needed to do.

And here I am. I am finally doing it.

I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to throw up (in a good way) when I think about traveling the world.

I get that same feeling when I think about spending my life with this person.

That was a shock to my system.

I was highly convinced nothing else in this universe would give me that feeling.

I was wrong.

So here I am, alone in an unknown place, split between two worlds, trying to figure out how to hold them both together.

I bought a tiger’s eye stone today.

Tiger’s eye has many purposes, one being “to send wealth to your home”.

I stumbled across a crystal shop today and  pondered around for an hour.

Before I left for this trip I decided not to bring any of my beloved crystals, stones and gems with me.

I would start fresh on this journey. All new and fresh energy.

So today was the first day I decided to indulge in some new energies.

There were three stones in this shop that spoke to me.

I do this weird thing where I walk around, picking up stones, feeling their energy. I put back the ones that make me feel nothing. I hold onto the ones that make me feel something. And then I narrow it down.

There were three left.

I almost got all three of them.

And then I got none of them and I started to walk out of the shop.

A black and brown tigers eye pendent caught my eye.

I picked it up.

I felt something.

I put it back.

And I needed it.

“To send wealth back to your home”.

That is a purpose of tigers eye.

I bought it.

“Is this for you or a gift?” asked the friendly Balinese woman as I paid her.

“Both, I hope” I said, “I have a boy I love back home and he needs to save some money. Tiger’s eye is said to bring wealth and prosperity to your home. I hope that it works so he can come and visit me”.

She laughed and I smiled so big as I walked out the door and clung onto my newest form of hope, my newest piece of anticipation for a future filled with love.





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