It is 8:45, I can see the sun setting beyond the mountains, which are behind the translucent barrier of trees between my campsite and the disappearing daylight. It is not cold. I think it will get cold, but it is not yet. This is my first night, alone in a completely new place with absolutely no reason to be here other than I want to feel vulnerable, alone and refreshed.
As I sit here, I feel alive and excited. I feel honest and raw, and my mind, soul and body are simultaneously telling me “good job”.
Today, I drove over ten hours. I am in the Grand Teton National Forest.
I was terrified this morning, spiraling through a realm of relaxation and comfort, paralyzed into this trap of security. My body was telling me to stay comfy in my bed for one more hour, but I knew just one more hour would turn into two and three and the day would pass me by. At 5:14 AM my friend texted me “first step out the door is always the hardest”.
A psychic friend, or a sign from the universe. Either way, it was exactly the push I needed to get myself out that door.
I have not seen that door in two months now. I miss that door. But man am I glad I walked out of it that morning. Oh the things I have seen since I walked out that door.
Choose what makes you feel alive, really really alive, and manage the fears and consequences that you must sacrifice to get there.
In the past a certain empathy has stopped me from living out my dreams.
People will worry about you, more than you will worry about yourself, so you worrying about other people worrying about you, is just plain confusing, and stressful, and in the end I think it is worth it to take the chance, let everybody feel the normal human emotion of worry, and you will look back on the whole situation and everybody will be okay.